Fourteenth: In which we get in just under the wire

It's a new year. An even numbered year, which I've always found preferable to odd numbered years for some bizarre reason. One of my many... quirks. Some may call them oddities, but I prefer quirks, thank you.

I've never been the sort for new year's resolutions, as I'm not really the kind of person who believes in putting off a change you want to make. I believe that if it's important, you should just go ahead and do it rather that waiting for some symbolic day. Resolutions also feel inevitably doomed to failure, if only from the massive pressure riding on them. 2007 was - like so many others - a year without unrealistic resolutions, but it was also, unlike others, a year that felt generally unmemorable. I think that's because I didn't really have any goals for the year. It was a year of keeping going. Getting out of bed, going through the motions, and going to bed every night. I want 2008 to be different. I'll make it different.

This year, I've decided that I want to have some concrete goals for myself. I think it's different from having resolutions, which I see as rules that one forces oneself to live by. Goals are something to work towards. No restrictions. No sense of failure. Just, something to work towards. Something to motivate me. An extra reason to get up in the morning.

So, I have a large generic goal for 2008, which breaks down into smaller, more measurable goals (that I hope to keep track of here in the least boring way possible - I doubt that anyone wants to read a progress report every week). This year, I want to enrich my body, mind & spirit as much as I can. In each of those categories, I have a primary subgoal, then a secondary and tertiary goal. With so many goals, I'll always have something to work towards, I think.

So, in easy & clean list form, my goals for the coming year. We'll check in 52 weeks from now and see how it's going.

Body:
*run 2+ 5K races (bonus for completing them in 30 minutes or less)
*initiate a healthy bedtime routine (i've long had trouble sleeping, and i hear this is something that can help)
*stop eating anything other than fruit or vegetables after 9:00 PM

Mind:
*read 2+ books per month, at least one of which much be a "valid" work, such as a classic, a memoir, nonfiction work, scholarly publication, or collection of essays
*enroll in a class of some kind (bonus for it being something that I have no experience with)
*knit 1+ project a week

Spirit:
*get in touch with the higher power once a week (bonus for variety, such as attending church, reading religious/spiritual texts, meditation & yoga, intelligent theological discussion, and spending meaningful time in nature)
*call a friend that I don't talk to enough at least once a week
*spend a full week on vacation (something I haven't done in years)

And another goal that seems to fit into all three, cooking dinner with someone lovable at least once a week (bonus for trying new recipes and cooking techniques)

So there they are. Little glimpses, I think, of the person I am, and the person I hope I'm trying to become.

The Forgotten 14th, which doesn't count, really.

I love Christmastime. Love it. To an obnoxious degree. I love the smells and the cold and the gray skies and the bare tree limbs and the way my nose and fingers and toes are always icy and the fact that there's constantly an excuse to drink hot tea or hot chocolate while snuggled up with someone you love. Of course, in with this, is the love of Christmas. Not so much the buy-buy-buy, commercial, mall-Santa type of Christmas, but the nutmeg and cinnamon and eggnog with family, cookies and tree-trimming and playing Scrabble under a blanket by a fire kind of Christmas. The togetherness is what I can't get enough of, and it just happens to be a bonus that all the lights and songs and smells just make me feel all warm and snuggly by association.

See? I wasn't kidding. Obnoxious rambling.

I've found myself diving headfirst into the holiday this year, since I didn't do anything last year. I was moving at the time, so I didn't even bother to put up a tree. Overall, an underwhelming holiday with too little time to spend doing all the Christmas things I love.

(This post was sadly abandoned and forgotten until 1/1/2008. Sorry)

Thirteenth: The Overdo List

I've been getting lots of requests for my Christmas list lately, and rather than call everyone who has asked and read it out, which sounds obnoxious and greedy to me, I'm just going to post it here. Do with it what you will. :)

*Yarn/Needles/Gift Certificates to knit stores (Knitch or Elann.com are recommended)
*Cool, quirky jewelry
*Books (preferably off of my amazon.com queue to buy)
*New sports bra/workout clothes
*A pretty key chain
*Essential fit jeans from Gap
*Lotion & pillow mist from Bath & Body Works (aromatherapy collection, Eucalyptus Spearmint or Orange Ginger)
*Keihl's baby balm lip balm (my FAVORITE and most necessary item on this list - my lips are dying since mine ran out!)
*An auxilary cable for my iPod to hook up in my car
*A cell phone charger for my car

So, there you go. Those are a few things I want/need. Really, the baby balm is the only thing I need, but otherwise, they're wants.

I've had a lot of fun Christmas shopping for others this year. It's the first year that I've really had money of my own to spend on others, and I'm loving it. Love love loving it. I can't wait until all the presents are wrapped and under my tree.

Any ideas for super quick knits for older brothers? I'm stuck...

(please don't skip post 12, newly added below. it's more than a gimme-list!)

Twelfth: Puppy Love

There is something so unavoidably lovable about new things. We all know that babies are made to be extra cute and cuddly and lovable so that you don't mind waking up with them at 4:00 in the morning EVERY NIGHT, but it's a phenomenon that extends to other new things as well. Whether you love them or not, you at least NOTICE them. This draw towards perceived newness is something that I've realized since I started running the studio. You don't necessarily have to get new retail in or spruce up your space at all to get your clients to notice things, and more importantly, buy them. You just have to break their routine, say by reorganizing your boutique display. Being drawn towards the new is an evolutionary adaptation that we have as humans. We notice when things are different in our environments, because if our ancestors didn't, they got eaten. Failure to notice new wolf tracks in the area where you're camping doesn't make for a high likelihood of survival, you know? So, when things are new and different, even by the littlest bit, we're hard wired to pay attention.

I can't help but wonder if that's why my brain has been in absolute, manic overdrive for the past several weeks. Everything in my world is new. It's like a stimulus overload.

First and cutemost, there are puppies. Not my puppies, of course, but Jesse's sister, Carter's puppies. She's fostering five irresistible little beasts from the Bahamas. The 'breed' is known as the potcake, because that's what the people there give the dogs, who are generally wild, if not feral, to eat. If you're interested, you can learn more about them here or here. They're incredible dogs, so much so, in fact, that I've been engaging in puppy therapy almost every day since Carter got the dogs. There's something about having having five new, squirmy puppies on your lap that keeps even the surliest person from being grumpy. What's that? You want proof, you say? Well here, I have proof for you.



See that? Yeah, that's Jesse, a boy with the capacity to be surly at times, looking completely mollified by the presence of puppitude. But you know, I think he needs more puppy to TRULY get the effects of puppy therapy going.



There it is. A smirk. A blurry smirk, but a smirk nonetheless. Love it. Puppy therapy.

I'm writing this, and wondering what day it'll post under. I know I started this entry several weeks ago, but I'm bad about starting an entry and then walking away from it without finishing it. Anyway, the next new and exciting thing is still new and exciting, at least to me.

Meet my new car, a 2008 Nissan Sentra that I've taken to calling Sonny in my head, though I'm not sure why. I've been driving a 1994 Ford Taurus since I could drive, so a brand new car is definitely wild to me. I still walk out to the parking lot and get a little confused sometimes. The best thing about a new car, at least for me, is its capacity to add a little brightness to a bad day. When I walk out of the studio after a long, exhausting, frustrating day or work and get into this car, it's a conscious reminder of the fact that I'm happy. I'm a really lucky girl with a lot going for me. I'm fortunate, and this car is a reminder of that. Granted, it doesn't take a new car to make me realize these things, but it's a tangible reminder, which is nice to have. It has 500 miles on it, all but 12 of them driven by me. Crazy.

The newness doesn't stop there, though. The details will, because this entry is already ridiculously long, but There's so much more going on. The studio is undergoing major renovations and expansion for our five-year facelift, and of course there's all the newness and excitement of the holiday season, complete with Christmas tree and presents (though that, of course, is its own post). Not to mention new knitting, both projects and goals.

Change is overwhelming, but I'll be darned if it's not exciting.

Eleventh: Exhaustion

I am entirely exhausted. I don't know why, because I've been getting normal amounts of sleep, but I feel like every single part of my body can hardly hold itself up. Working together to keep me moving is just unheard of for my poor system. The sensation of hovering on the brink of exhaustion is not one that I've had in ages, but this week, it's back in full force. In fact, I've been so exhausted that when I began writing this entry on Wednesday, I fell asleep in my chair, too tired to finish it. Still, I don't think lack of sleep was the problem. My body simply required a bit of down time for recuperation.

It's now Saturday evening, and I'm doing my best to get back in the swing of life before Monday bowls me over in a little over 24 hours. I went to bed last night with nary a stitch knit. I needed a moment away from my Fetching gloves, my current project, so that I could regroup and approach the creation of the thumb hole (something I'd not officially done before) with a clear head. I knew when looking at the instructions that "Using waste yarn, k7; slip these sts back to left needle and k them again using working yarn; work in 4x1 Rib as set to end" was not some curious, heretofore unseen code sent to trick me, and yet I - who know that I am no dumber than the 2,723 ravelers who have currently made Fetching gloves - could not seem to put my spatial brain to work deciphering what to do next. So I rested a bit past here (but this was the last picture I took, so this is what you'll see). And I read. And I came back to the Fetchings tonight, and they're glorious. They're done and beautiful and blue and I covet them. Of course I covet them, because I have it in my silly head that I'll be making 3-4 pairs of them before Christmas comes (ha!). The pair I just made, I think, will be for my sister-in-law. I still have machinations to make them for Jesse Dear's sister, Carter, his mom, Lois, and perhaps my own sister and mother. Though, I did find some pretty earrings that I think would suit my sister. They're handmade by a co-op of women in Nepal, and I think she'd like them. At least, if her style is still what I remember it being, she will. I also have a secret knitting-project in the works for my mom, so I might just stick to that for her this year.

Really, I'm nuts, and I'm toying with further exhaustion if I don't pare down my knitting expectations. The problem is, I can't make for my sister-in-law without making for my brother, just as I can't make for my mother without making something for my father. I wish things like small knitted ornaments appealed to me, but they just don't. They feel like knitting time wasted to me, even if it's just an hour of time wasted. So, for now my expectations are thoroughly out of control. They always are, you see. That's a bit of my personality that I'm still working on coming to terms with. I'm adapting to it and wrestling it into manageability, so I'm sure it will be okay.

To further our theme of exhaustion for the day, it's 1:40 in the morning, and I have nowhere to sleep. My bed is covered in freshly laundered clothes and the new bedspread set that I have yet to unpack and put onto the bed, and my sofa-bed is covered in Christmas ornaments, which I spent the evening sorting and examining for their thematic appropriateness for the direction in which I want to go with this year's tree. I've generally been a very traditional, red and gold Christmas tree kind of girl, but this year, I'm all about the peacock colors, as well as a bit of icy blue and green. It'll be beautiful, you'll see. You'll see because I finally have a digital camera cord with which to show you. Oh, we are in trouble.

Tenth: Bad, bad blogger

I am a bad, bad blogger. The proof of this lies in that I'm actually finishing this entry on the 27th of November, regardless of what the date says at the top. I was reminded today, while squawking to Jesse about how none of the blogs I read are updated often enough, that I haven't updated my own in more than two months.

The problem is, there isn't a lot to write about when I try to go back and do a retrospective entry. Sure, plenty has happened, including a fun trip, a wonderful Thanksgiving, a delightful ride through Atlanta on 150 CC Vespas, but it's so hard to go back and write about it when it's so far in the past.

So, I'm going to try to do better. I've been looking back at old LiveJournal entries, and I miss the way that I could look at that and remember exactly where I was in my life at the time that I wrote particular entries.

So here I am. I'm back. Enjoy me.

Ninth: Passion

I cannot live life without passion. If I don't feel it towards something, I have trouble being part of it. This, I think, is why I tend to let so many lacklustre friendships and unexciting events fall to the wayside or go unattended. I have trouble mustering a feigned excitement for something that doesn't spark within me in some way. Of course, the result of this is that I love the people who I do bother to keep in contact with deeply, and I have an enthusiasm for the things that I choose to do that could be called obnoxious. I throw myself into things wholeheartedly. It's just who I am, and so far it's working for me (though I do sometimes wish I made more effort to keep in touch with people).

One passion I have is for empathy, compassion, and my desire to help make this world a better place than it was when I came into it. I haven't been doing enough to fulfill that desire lately (by any means), and I can feel the absence of it in my life. It's that absence that has led me to start sending out volunteer applications to causes that matter to me. It's interesting, then, that the Yarn Harlot posted an entry today about New Orleans. I remember when Katrina hit, wanting to leave school for the semester and go to help rebuild. I wanted to uproot myself and replant in a place where I could help others re-establish their roots. I saw a concrete opportunity to help make a difference for people who need it, and I didn't take it. So, I read Stephanie's post about the state of things there, commented, and proceeded to read the comments of others. One in particular struck me at my core, hurt me in a deep way, even though it was not a personal attack. One blogger wrote, "As a response to both the post and the comments... It's not the government's job to make sure people have food, clothing, and shelter. It's our responsibility to make sure we have food, clothing, shelter, and the means with which to acquire them. America doesn't ascribe to "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need." We demand a certain level of personal responsibility. The mayor and governor *didn't* ask for help from the federal government (which it certainly could have, but, you know, politics got in the way), which is a major reason why federal help (and the Red Cross) weren't in the city ASAP."

I was taken aback. It pains me to see such a lack of compassion from anyone. I had to write myself an email just to get the instant and overwhelming rush of emotions out of my head and into the ether in a place where they can do no harm. I just keep asking myself so many questions about how this person and people like her whose responses I've read must think. My inner empath is enraged by the response of so many people to what has been lost. Are the losses any less painful because of who it was that lost them? Are we to feel less for the people who are homeless and living in FEMA shacks because "they didn't have that much to begin with"? How can we let our own justice department spend $60 per person on their lunches when there are people who don't have $60 to spend on food for their families for a week? There is no justice in suffering and poverty, no matter who endures it.

And what can be said to this blogger who says that it's not our government's job to help these people? Are we, as a democratic nation, not supposed to be the core behind our government? If we show indifference and do not ask the government to be accountable, how can we demand accountability from anyone?? If the people who we select to represent us are not asked to take care of these people, are we not thus absolving ourselves of responsibility to help our fellow man? The commenter says that "we are not a nation that ascribes to 'from each according to his ability, to each according to his need. [and that] we demand a bit more personal responsibility." But what are we as people, as human beings who are inextricably connected and tied to one another as brothers and sisters in the human race if we do not make it our personal responsibility to help one another simply because it is the RIGHT THING TO DO? How can anyone look at human suffering and decide that it is not his or her problem? We are only as great as the kindness that we show to our weakest, our most disadvantaged, our forgotten.

This sadness and outrage (partnered with a hope that I cannot stifle) is the what led me to be a Sociology major. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to learn why (and hopefully change the fact that) we as a nation allow some people in our country to suffer so terribly while throwing millions and billions of dollars at judicial luncheons and galas at the White House and multiple homes and luxury cars and Paris Hilton and ... ugh. I have to step off of the soapbox for my own sanity's sake, but we Americans are a confusing culture with wonky values, to say the least. I almost have to thank that commenter for the way that what I can only see as her ignorance has re-ignited the desire in me to use every moment of my life to make a change.